Remember when Chrysler announced it is closing all 30 of its manufacturing plants for a month in an attempt to counter the most severe downturn in U.S. auto sales in more than two decades? Gee, it wasn’t that long ago that everyone from President Bush down to lonely barbers thought that “cut-and-run” was a bad idea. Isn’t there something Chrysler can do with these plants while they’re idle to make some cash on the side and avoid being the biggest automotive embarrassment since the show ‘Pimp My Yugo’? As a favor to help Chrysler dodge a bullet, here are fifteen things it can do to make money with these buildings (I hope they remember this when I’m ready to trade in my Prius):
Temporary holding cell for Bernie Madoff, Rod Blagojevich and Plaxico Burress.
Place for the Detroit Lions to hide until the season is over.
Factory for making lead Hot Wheels toys to send to China.
Retraining center for CEOs about to become janitors.
Reception hall for the next Smith family reunion.
Distillery for turning unused ethanol back into corn mash whisky.
Recycling center for converting Hummers into mobile homes.
Storage for unsold copies of Sarah Palin’s biography.
Oven for cremating Christmas fruitcakes.
Arena Football Hall of Fame.
Movie studio for filming “Doctor Detroit II: Being A Ho’s Not So Bad Now.”
Tracks for indoor NASCAR series.
Factory for turning corporate jets into hybrids.
Closet for Cher.
Museum for Dinosaurs and Union Jobs.