With apologies to Robert Fulghum, all you really need to know about economics, Wall Street and the bailout you learned in kindergarten …
You can never get your lunch money back from a bully, but you can show him your stomach rash and make him barf what he bought with it.
When a fart is detected, blame it on the kid whose immigrant parents give him bean sandwiches for lunch.
If you put the last block on the top of a stack, you can take credit for the entire stack.
The secret to good grades is sitting next to a smart kid who writes big.
Say you’re sorry, but first make sure the teacher is listening.
Teachers come and go, but a principal who appreciates your booger jokes is too big to fail.
You can take anything you want as long as you say, “My daddy can fire your daddy.”
Fake dog poop never loses its value.
Nap time is a great time to look for change that falls out of the pockets of kids who toss and turn.
Learn to flush and it’s up to your teacher to prove she gave you a note for your parents.
Sticking together is a sign you flunked paste.
Dick had more fun than Jane.