TOKYO — In anticipation of a $1.1 billion operating loss this fiscal year, Sony Inc. (motto: “Why Are You Reading This When You Could Be Watching TV?”) has unveiled what it’s calling a revolutionary new “Grayscale” television designed to win back old customers who can’t afford to operate at a loss after buying a micro-thin 60-inch 3-D Sony plasma Geewhizatron. “Grayscale is the new color,” says Sony engineer Ahn Seladems. “The quality is excellent whether you’re watching on a 20-inch model sitting on a TV tray or a 5-inch model balanced on your stomach.”
The Sony grayscale television will be called the Minitron and is expected in stores in time for the Super Bowl. “We don’t care who’s in the game as long as it’s teams that wear white or black uniforms,” said Minitron’s U.S. marketing manager Madge Navox. “We were thrilled to hear Bruce Springsteen is doing the halftime show in his traditional t-shirt and black jeans.”
The Minitron is aimed at the low-end consumer and will be available anywhere from Best Buy to dollar stores. Customers planning to buy one at Best Buy should prepare for a long walk since the Minitron display will be in a back-of-the-store closet next to the rest rooms. “It’s back there next to the VCRs and cassette players,” said Best Buy store manager Serkut Zitty.
The Minitron is expected to be promoted heavily by television newscasters whose every facial flaw is highlighted by high-definition televisions. “With the Minitron’s grayscale, my pimples blend in with my jaundice to make a nice sexy off-white,” says New York’s Chicks At Six co-host Buffy McMuffy.
Some networks are also hoping to take advantage of the Minitron’s grayscale. The AMC network is rumored to be planning a sweeps week “Watch ‘Mad Men’ The Way It Was Meant To Be Watched” marathon.