Thanksgiving Day marks the traditional first appearance of Santa Claus in malls and parades and on street corners ringing bells. However, the crisis on Wall Street in 2008 forced Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson to make a 3 AM call to St. Nick to ask the jolly old elf to show up a little early to spread some cheer among the depressed brokers and bankers.
Thanks for taking time out of your busy day.
I needed a break. Market’s down, Bush had a press conference and one of my elves got caught with Elliot Spitzer’s hooker.
Would you call this a bad day?
Are you kidding? On the Black Monday scale, this is off-white.
Being a Wall Street Santa, do you get a lot of crying kids?
No. All that balling you hear is unemployed Lehman Brothers workers.
I guess there’s no wet diapers.
You’ve obviously never told a 64-year-old senior partner there won’t be 20 million in his stocking this year.
What’s the most popular request this year?
Bailouts. You’d think the North Pole was made of government bonds.
What’s the least popular gift?
Barbie’s Dream house and Monopoly games. Nobody wants anything where there might be a mortgage involved.
What’s the most unusual request you’ve heard?
Timmy Geithner, the new Treasury Secretary. He asked me for an airtight alibi.
Are you visiting any Christmas parties this season?
Just one … AIG’s. I open for Miley Cyrus.
Where are your reindeer?
Back at the North Pole. They quit flying after hearing Sarah Palin talk about hunting in a helicopter.
How will you get around on Christmas Eve?
Corporate jet. I got a great deal on three of them from Detroit. One for me, one for the gifts and one for my bodyguards.
Why do you need bodyguards?
Have you ever slid down the chimney and surprised folks expecting the repo man?
Do you have any message you’d like to give to give to Wall Street to help it survive the 12 Days of Christmas this year?
Yeah, eat all the birds, fire all the musicians, take the gold rings and do whatever Warren Buffet tells you to.