CUPERTINO, CA — Shortly after a market research firm announced that the iPhone 3G has surpassed the Motorola Razr as the top-selling mobile phone for U.S. adults in the third quarter, a Cupertino technology news reporter received a press release on what appeared to be Apple letterhead declaring that “The iPhone 3G is more popular than Jesus now.” The statement was reminiscent of a similar one made in 1966 by John Lennon that the Beatles were “more popular than Jesus now.”
Before it could be confirmed, the press release was immediately denounced by Pope Benedict XVI, who said “Ego sum a Fenestra” (Latin for “I am a Window.”) Similar statements were issued by the heads of the Anglican Church, the Lutheran Church and numerous men wearing sheets who stood on street corners proclaiming “The end of iPhone is coming!” Alaska Governor Sarah Palin offered her helicopter and moose rifle to anyone willing to fly over Cupertino and take potshots at Apple billboards.
Apple lawyer Lisa Appz denied that the press release was made by the company. “What’s the fuss about anyway?” she asked. “Now, if it said that the iPhone 3G was bigger than Steve Jobs, THAT would be big news.” Former Beatle Ringo Starr said any comparison to Lennon’s statement was wrong. “It’s just a ploy to get more of our songs on iTunes.”
While Lennon’s statement caused many radio stations to stop playing Beatles’ songs and some venues canceled upcoming concerts, experts do not see similar attacks being made against Apple if the release is found to be authentic. “We’re entering the Christmas season,” said Bill Shears, president of the computer industry research firm Nano-Nano. “You tell 20 million kids they’re not getting iPhones in their stockings and there won’t be another silent night for the rest of the year.”