WASHINGTON, DC — Federal Reserve Chairman Ben “Call Me Ali $” Bernanke is taking credit for successfully punking the board and senior management of American International Group (motto: “We’re Too Big To Be Small”). Bernanke disguised his voice as Berkshire Hathaway CEO Warren Buffett and called AIG headquarters demanding to speak to “Somebody who can cash a big check.”
Bernanke/Buffett’s call was routed to AIG CEO Edward Liddy, who put it on his speaker phone and conferenced in the board of directors. Liddy was joined by all senior executives who weren’t out on job interviews. After a few jokes about Bill Gates and Jimmy Buffett, Bernanke/Buffett told the AIG execs that he felt sorry for them and was sending over a check for $50 billion. He then asked if he should make it out to AIG, the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas or “Cash.”
After a few minutes of discussion and cheering, the execs asked Bernanke/Buffett if they could get a third made out to AIG, a third to the Bellagio and a third on a horse named Bailout in the seventh race at Aqueduct. At that point, Bernanke revealed his true identity and yelled, “You’ve been Fed punked!” He then had to call back after the line went dead. This time the only person available to take the call was AIG’s janitor, who was instructed to inform the board that Bernanke had recorded the entire conversation and was ready to send it to CNBC if they didn’t shape up. Bernanke then had to give the message to a second janitor after the first kept asking him if he was Borat.