Hoping to make a game-changing cabinet appointment, Republican presidential candidate John McCain vowed that if he wins in November, he will name billionaire industrialist and Gotham City socialite Bruce Wayne as the new Treasury Secretary.
McCain introduced Wayne at a rally in Gotham City before an enthusiastic but confused crowd. “Most people only know Bruce Wayne from what they read in the tabloids,” McCain said. “But trust me, my friends, there’s a lot more to Bruce Wayne than meets the eye.” McCain then smiled and winked, eliciting an irritated look from Sarah Palin.
Wayne, who has no governmental or political experience of any kind, is the owner of multi-billion dollar corporation Wayne Enterprises. However, Wayne admitted he has little do to with the company’s day-to-day activities, focusing his energy instead on “various other endeavors.”
Democratic nominee Barack Obama derided the announcement as a desperate move. “The only thing Bruce Wayne knows about economics is frittering away his family fortune. Gotham is the most corrupt city in America, and Wayne hasn’t lifted a finger to fix it. Our economy needs a hero—someone tough, someone not afraid to fight the greed and corruption on Wall Street. Unless Senator McCain knows something we don’t about Mr. Wayne, bad guys will continue to make off with all our money.”
Wayne appeared relaxed and slightly intoxicated as he fielded questions about the announcement. The engagement was cut short, though, when Wayne appeared distracted by something outside a second-story window. His face became gravely serious as he said in a rumbling voice, “I must go.”
A recent Gallup poll indicated the announcement has made up some of the ground lost following the McCain campaign’s botched attempt at naming a Surgeon General, disgraced former psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan “The Scarecrow” Crane. Crane will begin serving a twenty-year prison sentence for drug trafficking once he recovers from a vicious beating delivered by a masked vigilante in Gotham City.