HOLLYWOOD, CA — The popularity of ‘America’s Got Talent’ coupled with the current economic crisis has convinced producer Simon Cowell to create its first spin-off. Called ‘America’s Got Bailout’, it will be hosted by Jerry Springer, whose own financial situation has forced him to work a third job in addition to hosting ‘America’s Got Talent’ and ‘The Jerry Springer Show’. “I listened to John McCain and now I’ve got more mortgaged homes than trailer parks have hookers posing as nuns,” said Springer.
According to Cowell, ‘America’s Got Bailout’ will follow a talent show format featuring politicians, CEOs, investment bankers, fund managers and various other Wall Street experts competing to come up with a bailout program for a country selected beforehand by a viewer poll. “America’s economy has screwed up the rest of the world, so the least it can do is attempt to fix it while offering viewers a chance to see so-called experts humiliated before a live audience,” said Cowell.
Each week, the financial experts will develop a bailout plan based on the chosen country’s national debt, tax rates, unemployment level, stock market indicators and number of CEOs in jail or under indictment. A panel of judges – Warren Buffet, Jim Cramer and Paula Abdul – will pick the plans apart and decide whether the expert will go on or go home. “Warren and Jim are the financial experts,” said Cowell. “Paula is on the panel because she’s got pictures of me kissing Ryan Seacrest.”
At the end of the season, the winning bailout plan will be presented to the selected country (the first is expected to be Albania) along with a check for $1 billion drawn from Wachovia Bank. The winning financial expert will received $1 million in used limos, yachts and Lear jets confiscated during the American bailout. The show will be broadcast on NBC, which is owned by General Electric – a recent recipient of $3 billion from Warren Buffet. In return, NBC promised to ban Jay Leno from telling any jokes about Warren’s recently-revealed affair with Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham, to which Leno responded, “Who?”