Capitalist Banter

Sunday is the New Monday, Says Wall Street

September 19, 2008

NEW YORK, NY — Bank of America announced today that so called banker’s hours would be expanded to include Sunday. Bank officials cited the need to get a ‘jump start’ on the week, as well as a desire to avoid releasing dismal news on a Monday.

“Monday already has a really gloomy feel. We didn’t want to increase the burden on that particular day with the kind of bad news we’ve had lately,” said Rock Effler, Senior Marketing Strategist for the bank. “We fully expect others to follow this trend.” The hope, according to Effler, is that in the future all bad news will be shifted to Sunday, freeing Monday up for general workplace related malaise.

When questioned about how a business-as-usual Sunday would conflict with many worship practices, Effler dismissed concern. “We will keep Sunday mornings free, which works to our benefit. People will be so full of hope that by the time bad news hits in the afternoon, they are less likely to panic.”

Opponents fear the demise of the weekend, but supporters of the Sunday workday maintain the no one works on Friday afternoon anyway, so it all works out.

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