NEW YORK, NY — Hot on the heels of Corning’s unveiling of the Glass Sheiling, a solid glass ceiling that appears to be fractured with 18 million cracks, cosmetic giant Revlon (motto: “Without us, women would look like men.”) enters the political-slogan-based-products marketing arena with a new lipstick made just for pigs. Called “Bacon Rouge,” the porcine lipstick will allow pig farmers to give their swine a new look and a new marketing ploy to replace the tired ad slogan, “Pork: the other white meat.”
“We never realized that pigs were such a huge untapped market for lipstick,” said Revlon spokesperson Honey “Baked” Prosciutto. “Outside of Miss Piggy and a couple of cross-dressing professional wrestlers, we pretty much ignored the whole sow demographic.” Prosciutto credits the current political debate between the Obama and McCain campaigns over the expression “like putting lipstick on a pig” for the company’s interest in developing Bacon Rouge. “You’d be surprised how many women pig farmers there are, and how long they’ve been waiting for a product like this to put an end to that obnoxious expression,” said Prosciutto.
Pig farmer Virginia Loine agrees. “My girls are so much more than just ‘the other white meat.’ With Bacon Rouge on lips of every one of my sows, it’s time for a new slogan. I’m thinking, “Red is the new White.” Or “Put lipstick on your pig … it’s the right thing to do.” If the lipstick proves as popular as Revlon expects, the company plans to roll out other products in the same line, including eye shadow for raccoons, makeup for monkeys and butt blush for red-rumped baboons.
With the sudden popularity for lipstick on pigs, both the McCain and Obama campaigns have begun searching for new colloquialisms to express their disgust for each other’s policies. Pork producers, jewelers and oyster farmers are lobbying for “Do not cast pearls before swine.”