After a surprising admission from Premier Election Solutions (formerly Diebold) last month that its electronic voting machines had been running on flawed software for the past decade, an insider today divulged the real plan behind the machine’s tendency to drop votes.
“The idea was to get a machine in the White House by the year 2000,” said former head programmer HAL Clarke, who prefers his first name appear in all caps. “If everything had gone as planned, we could have had this whole country on auto-pilot by now. Money supply, energy rations, even the war in Iraq – all that can be remote controlled.”
Diebold’s diabolical plan to get a digital candidate ‘elected’ to the highest office in the land would have worked too, had it not been for those ‘meddling kids’ exposing the voting machine’s software flaws. “The hackers really saved the world this time,” Clarke said. He also warned we shouldn’t let our guard down now. “I hear Nickelodeon’s preparing SpongeBob to run in 2012,” he said.