OMAHA, NE — Berkshire Hathaway CEO Warren Buffet has purchased the entire Chinese women’s gymnastics team for an undisclosed sum and will use them to establish a Gold Medal Hedge Fund for the 2012 Summer Olympics. “I’m an American and I support the American athletes,” explained Buffet. “But I lost my shirt betting against Gates on women’s gymnastics and I won’t let that happen again.”
Buffet was referring to his friend and fellow billionaire Bill Gates. The two have temporarily ditched their weekly bridge game for some not-so-friendly wagering on the Summer Olympics. “I lost big on the U.S. sprint relay teams, but that’s different,” said Buffet. “Anybody can drop a baton, just like Bill dropped the ball on Vista.”
Buffet and Gates refuse to say how much they wager on Olympic events, but it is assumed to be tied to the price of gold, currently selling for around $830 an ounce. “Let’s just say we use a scale that would hold the entire Russian weightlifting team,” joked Buffet.
Buffet bet on the American women’s gymnastics team and, while picking up a few wins in the individual events, lost heavily on the team competitions. That’s when he came up with the idea for the Gold Medal Hedge Fund. “Everybody knows those Chinese girls are only 14, maybe even 10 or 12” said Buffet. “They’ll still be watching Sesame Street in 2012, so they’re a sure thing to be on the team.”
The Gold Medal Hedge Fund will pay for the housing, food and training of the Chinese women’s team for four years. “Berkshire owns Chun King so I get a great deal on food,” said Buffet. While maintaining their current high level of training, Buffet will reward the young gymnasts with one Snickers bar a day. “I think we own them too,” he said.
Even at only one a day, four years of Snickers bars means the 2012 Chinese women’s gymnastics team should resemble the 2012 Chinese women’s shot put team. “Even those blind judges from Uzbekistan will see them roll off the balance beam,” said Buffet. “Next time we bet, I’ll have Gates over a pommel horse.”
Bill Gates was not available for comment on Buffet’s Gold Medal Hedge Fund. He was rumored to be working on his own Olympic fund called Phelps Futures.