Capitalist Banter

Your Weekly Business Horoscope

August 19, 2008

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Cut back on your Olympic-watching. Your discus-tossing bagels across the lunch room is getting old.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): If you’re going to switch to the four-hour work week, make sure it’s the same four hours your boss works.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Be careful when trying to be more spontaneous. Remember, spontaneity is the mother of intervention.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your office romance is becoming too obvious. H.R. is going to ask you to break it off or join the Weakness Protection Program.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):Make friends with people who are moving up quickly, especially if they have office furniture you want.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Be a decision-maker. You’re wasting too much time in the rest room debating between towels or the hot air blower.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Listen and learn. If it helps, drill a small hole through your cubicle wall.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): No matter what it says in GQ, you look like a dork in a business suit with shorts.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): There’s no crying in sales, unless you’re selling waterproof mascara.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t keep too many business secrets. They can easily get mixed up with your lies, half-truths and general B.S.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When your team makes a mistake, take the blame immediately. At least you’ll be first in something.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you encounter resistance in salary negotiations, use your head. Aim squarely for your boss’ forehead and butt.

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  1. Your Weekly Business Horoscope : thegameoflove says:
    August 19, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    […] Original post by Paul […]

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