HOLLYWOOD – With the latest blockbuster summer comedy, “Tropic Thunder” having released just last night, Hollywood is poised to make some big bucks this weekend. In a summer of record sales and back to back releases it has all of the fixings to reel in some winning profits.
Tropic Thunder pushes the envelope, as it satirizes Hollywood and a plethora of a special interest groups for the sake of humor and entertainment. Yet one group is taking this beyond the simple, childish nature of the film and is bringing it to a far more retarded level.
“I think the film just degrades the retarded community. It offends them and robs them of everything that makes them so retarded. All so that some people can get a few cheap laughs.” says retarded spokesman Timothy Shriver.
As the movie prepares for its debut weekend, many groups are vocalizing themselves in the form of active protests and boycotts against the movie. They are asking for the support of everyone nation-wide in boycotting the movie and making themselves heard.
“If one retard can throw a tantrum and get a Stretch-Armstrong toy. Then in theory, a million retards throwing tantrums can get a movie boycotted.” Shriver explained.
As logical and plausible as this theory is on paper, early ticket sales for Tropic Thunder are already strong which bodes ill for the offended retards. It appears that despite their tantrums the retards are simply not amusing enough to pull people away from the silver screen.
As local stoner Jim Sanders explained, “I’ve seen retards man, I’ve seen plenty of retards, but I’ve never seen a bunch of retards in the jungle. They’re going to be fighting the Japanese and Koreans and Ninjas all retarded-like.”
It’s hard to argue with such inpenetrable points. With retards like Ben Stiller and Jack Black on the screen, how could any average, mortal retard hope to compare?
“Well, we’re planning on rolling out our elite troops for this, you see. We have what is known as a Midget-Freaktard, which is a composite creature genetically altered to be a midget, freak and retard all at once. It’s essentially Tom Cruise on crack. It’s about five times more fixating and amusing than your average Ben Stiller retard.” Shriver explained.
With the battlefield laid and the ranks drawn, it is a mere waiting game now to see which faction will rise up from the Down Syndrome Ashes of America and triumph in the field of glorified stupidity. With all eyes transfixed upon these two leviathan forces, there truly is nothing more retarded than retards offended by a retarded movie.