Capitalist Banter

New MySpace App Consoles Lonely Friends

August 12, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA — You’ve been added as a friend, only to be relegated to the lower reaches of your benefactor’s collection of cuter, sexier, edgier acquaintances. What do you do? This was the question MySpace developers set out to address with their new application, MyCounselor.

“The virtual counseling service helps users get in touch with the feelings of inferiority and social ostracism that go along with not making a Top 8 or Top 12 slot in Friends,” said lead programmer Georgia Plantain.

So far it’s working. User Penny Lott went from sullen to giddy as soon as she received her personal mantra from MyCounselor: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn – people accept my friend requests.”

The company plans to branch out into internet addiction rehab later this year. “The holidays are a terrible time for so many people. We’re just hoping to help ease the pain of on-screen life,” said a MySpace marketing representative. The company refused to comment on how to how achieve or maintian a top Friends place.

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