Capitalist Banter

Phone Book Makers Offer Up Alternative Uses

August 1, 2008

BEAVERTON, OREGON — The National Phone Book Association held a press conference today to roll out its new campaign with the slogan, Not Your Father’s Phone Book. Under increasing pressure from competing information sources that provide better information faster, the phone book industry must leverage its core competencies.

“Americans are stuck on this idea that the phone book is only for looking up phone numbers,” said NPBA President Olympia Suderis. “We’re trying to educate the public about all the other uses for a one to three inch stack of thin paper.”

Alternative uses espoused by the campaign include using phone books as booster seats, fire starters, and doorstops. “Several stacked together with a glass topper makes an excellent nightstand,” said Suderis. Phone books also make great step stools.

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