SPRINGFIELD, MISSOURI — Jenny Asher always thought she’d have plenty of time to guilt her daughter into bringing the grandkids to visit. However, between her part time job at Home Depot and realizing her dream of following the Stones on tour, there’s little time left over for instilling the proper amount of guilt into her adult children. Fortunately for Asher, inventor Melinda Clipton dreamed up the Automatic Guilt Generation Handhead, or AGGH.
The AGGH operates from a simple database of common guilt invoking messages such as your brother calls every day and I barely remember what those kids look like. The handheld device provides guilt-laden ideas at the push of a button.
“It’s one less thing I need to worry about,” said Asher. “Now I have fresh guilt inducing comments at the ready for every possible occasion.” The busiest boomer mothers can opt for the premium service, which actually leaves answering machine messages left with your simulated voice as well as seasonally appropriate email messaging. A mother-in-law version is available for a substantially higher fee.