Capitalist Banter

Zit Extraction Technology a Boon For Bio Fuel

July 9, 2008

BriaTeutschFlicker CHICAGO – When 17-year-old Brendan Carley invented the Zitinator in 2006, he thought he’d come up with a great solution for those nasty splatter marks on the bathroom mirror.

“My mom was like nagging me all the time to like clean off the g.d. mirror,” Carley said. To get out of the disgusting chore, Carley combined a nose hair trimmer and his mother’s old canister vacuum to create a device that not only squeezed and popped his pimples, but collected the resulting oily residue.

Soon friends were asking to use the Zitinator and Carley set up production in the basement. A week after Carley started advertising on late night television, he received a call from an anonymous source seeking oil rights to the substance extracted by his breakthrough technology. A unique partnership was born.

Soon every teenager from Boston to Albequerque will have free access to the Zitinator. The machines will be set up in malls across the country and offer complimentary facials. Bi-products will be used to power the new Mazda 650Z.

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