LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your boss is reading your emails. Send one to a friend about a six-figure job opening at a firm looking for management snoops.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your success depends on the failure of others. Hire accordingly.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Work late tonight. It’s the best time to move walls and add inches to your cubicle.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Accept a transfer to a European division. Eventually everyone here will forget about what you did at the office picnic.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): PowerPoint is not the answer, but it will buy time until you come up with a better one.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Stop Googling yourself. Google is keeping a running total and may be getting desperate enough to use it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Warren Buffet was once just like you, only with a lot more money.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The CEO looks depressed. Cheer him up by taking him out to dinner and then go test-driving the new line of heavy-duty shredders.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): There are important things needing to be done but first make sure someone is watching.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Going to work for a high-tech startup is like playing blackjack — everyone over 21 is considered a loser.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Pay close attention to the market. Your hedge fund is starting to look like a topiary turtle.