SAN JOSE, CA – eBay Inc. (motto: “Some fool will buy that!”) today unveiled a new program for people who have nothing to sell but would still like to participate in the auction market and make the big bucks their neighbors claim to be earning. Instead of dealing in hard assets, buyers and sellers will now be able to trade in “junk futures” – promises to buy or sell new or used “collectibles” on a certain date in the future at a specified price.
Similar to the oil futures that have been attributed to driving up the price of gasoline, junk futures can dictate whether things like Beanie Babies, used computers and toast bearing an image of Jesus may someday be worth tens of thousands or bread crumbs.
Called mayBay, the new auction will also allow junk futures to be bundled into “landfill futures” to make them attractive to large investors, hedge fund managers and NBA stars. Payments for the junk futures can be made by major credit card, debit card or PayPal. For vendors who may not have credit cards, bank accounts or rich relatives, PayPal will offer SubPayPal – subprime loans at rates of prime-minus-2 the first year, prime-plus-6 the second year and prime-plus-12-plus-kneecapping for any additional years. For more information, visit www.mayBay.com/buffetwannabe.