GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Avoid investing in any company whose annual report is written on the back of a prison newsletter.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take a break from picking stocks. Put the Wall Street Journal in your birdcage and let Tweetie do it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your review is coming soon. Practice hitting the ‘Panic’ button while playing computer Solitaire.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Be cautious in selecting your office attire. “Business casual” does not mean wing-tipped flip-flops.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Investing may not be your forte. Finding 25 cents on the sidewalk is not the same as getting a quarterly dividend.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Major in business, minor in English. Your creative writing skills will come in handy when doing expense reports.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Be kind to those who work for you. They have staplers and they know a few options that you don’t.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you don’t want your employees to act first and ask questions later, don’t let them watch “Jeopardy” in the lunch room.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Beware of a stock broker who claims he got out of NASCAR racing because of too many crashes.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If you can understand the formula your bank loan officer used to calculate your mortgage payment, it’s wrong.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You easily get into dangerous situations. Let someone else make the coffee.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your leading indicator is up. Knock off early and visit your girlfriend.