KANSAS CITY, MO – Hallmark Cards (motto: “Your mother can’t look at a phone call!”) has come up with a unique way to capitalize on the economic downturn – “Debt Well” cards to send to friends, family and laid-off former co-workers who are in foreclosure, bankruptcy or bragging about the “environmental benefits” of dumpster-diving.
Company spokesperson Yvette Alcough told reporters, “No one wants to see friends or family with dire financial problems because it’s so difficult to come up with something comforting to say, especially when you’re thinking “Get away – I’m not lending you any more money!” That’s where we can help.”
The “Debt Well” cards are similar to Hallmark’s famous line of get well cards, only with the jokes about giving blood replaced with jokes about selling blood. Many will feature the ever-popular ‘chimps dressed like humans’ in scenes such as working at McDonald’s, chewing up their credit cards and holding signs that say, “Will refrain from flinging poo for food.” With the growing popularity of musical cards, the “Debt Well” line will include greetings that, when opened, play “Taxman,” “Get A Job” and “Sixteen Tons.”
Ms. Alcough also confirmed that Hallmark has donated a sizable amount of money to both presidential campaigns in hopes that whoever wins will influence Congress to designate a “Debtors Day” as a national holiday suitable for card sending and candle giving – a welcome gift for those whose electricity has been cut off. Suggested days include April 15th, the first Monday in May after school clothes go on sale or the first Friday in January after the Christmas credit card bills arrive.