Capitalist Banter

Cash Mattress Business Booms Amid Recession Fears

May 21, 2008

Sicklerville, NJ – Even if President Bush won’t admit it, Americans know a recession when they’re in it. And things could get worse. As bank interest drops, stuffing the mattress with bills becomes more attractive every day. Sam Willis’ patented Money Mattress is selling fast.

“The traditional method of stuffing cash between the mattress and box spring can leave bills musty,” said Willis. “Our patented intra-mattress money box keeps currency fresh while providing the security of knowing your stash is safe at home.”

The Money Mattress hit the market last June, at the same time as Sealy’s Dreaming for Dollars. However, Willis’ Money Mattress has outsold Sealy’s model four to one thanks in part to his ingenious detailing. Every Money Mattress features unique and custom staining through the use of vintage materials.

“They’ve achieved real authenticity with body fluids and bed bug blemishes,” said mattress market analyst Mark Windsor. “No way anyone would suspect there’s money hidden in one of these.”

Willis cautions against keeping US dollars in the mattress, advising on Euros, gold and silver pieces, or yen, which tend to hold their value better. “With the prices rising so sharply on the average American’s household purchases, you can’t be too careful.”

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