After Microsoft dropped its hostile takeover bid for Yahoo, the company shocked Wall Street by immediately making an offer of $45 billion for Yahweh.
At a press conference in Redmond, Microsoft’s Chief of Religion And Prophesies (CRAP) Luke Abuf explained the apparently hostile takeover of the God of the Old Testament. “Microsoft has always been about bringing people together, whether it’s by PCs, the Internet, Service Packs or religion,” said Abuf. “What is Yahweh but an operating system for the world’s three major religions? Based on our experience with Windows, Microsoft is poised and ready to be the sole provider of divine guidance.”
He went on to say, “This will also prove to non-believers and iPhone users that Steve Jobs is not God.” An angry Steve Jobs appeared on CNN (an appearance that was mysteriously blacked-out on MSNBC) and predicted, “This is the first step down the road to Blue Screen-Ageddon!”
Reporters camped outside Microsoft headquarters have not seen Bill Gates, leading some to observe that they’ve never seen Gates and God together in the same room. God has not yet issued a statement on the takeover, but the National Weather Service is predicting a severe lighting storm over Wall Street in the next 48 hours.