Los Angeles, CA – Disney announced Tuesday to a packed room of interested retail buyers and psychiatrists that they have hired television counselor Dr. Phil to help troubled teen Miley Cyrus.
“We’re very concerned about the apparent breakdown of reality between Ms. Cyrus and her alter ego, Hannah Montana,” said Robert Cline, head of licensing for Disney products. “Aside from the recent lapses in judgment made by Cyrus and her family at the recent Vanity Fair photo shoot, she has also been seen around L.A. sporting the Hannah Montana wig.”
Miley Cyrus has proven to be a profitable commodity for Disney, trading on pre-teen innocence and highly produced vocals. Her popularity has been fueled by playing against the pop star stereotype by keeping her image clean and chaste. The recent provocative pictures, shot by photographer Annie Leibowitz, have sent Hannah Montana t-shirts to clearance racks all over mid-America.
“I can’t buy a belly shirt with that girl’s picture on it no more,” one mother said outside the Wichita Wal-Mart. “It just don’t seem right.”
Disney hopes Dr. Phil will be able to reason with Cyrus, who seems to be in the midst of some sort of hormone induced hysteria. In addition to receiving a complete mental health analysis by Dr. Phil, Disney doctors are expected to perform a thorough medical examination due to suspicion that she is indeed in the clutches of full-blown puberty.
“Miley’s in trouble. She’s blurred the line between herself and the role she plays. This Hannah Montana character is clearly a tramp,” Dr. Phil McGraw said. “If she’s not careful, her fans are going to notice she’s got breasts. We’re talking Disney here, folks. That pony don’t trot.”
Dr. Phil made headlines last year when he was retained by the family of Britney Spears. Although he was unable to intervene in that star’s downward spiral, Disney is confident Cyrus will talk to him. “She’s country, he’s country. It’s a no-brainer.”