BOULDER, CO — Ad agency Crispin-Porter has announced that Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld are collaborating on several song lists that will be available for free download with the purchase of any Microsoft product. This is the next phase of the agency’s campaign to portray the middle aged pair as ‘hip’ and ‘cool’.
The bonus will be known as the Gates & Seinfeld Party Mixx or the Seinfeld & Gates Party Mixx, depending on the outcome of ongoing negotiations. Ironically, the song lists will only play on iPods. When asked for comment on the confusing strategy, a Crispin-Porter representative answered, “We don’t expect the average consumer to understand, and we’re not about to explain it. It’s all about an image.”
No information could be obtained regarding Gates’ picks, but sources close to Seinfeld say he’s considering such classics as ‘Da Doo Ron Ron’ and ‘Your Mama Don’t Dance’.


BUTTE, MONTANA — The United Federation of Gym Teachers held a press conference today to express concern over the recent ban on shorts selling. Hygiene and comfort were both cited as issues under the new regulations. As long as the selling of new shorts is prohibited, physical education is expected to suffer.




On the heels of last week’s ruling that 
