WASHINGTON, DC – When he’s not busy lowering interest rates, bailing out financial institutions or making ceramic piggy banks with Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke is overseeing the young men who would like to date his daughter, Anna. Like all dads, Ben is concerned about what might happen on these dates, which is why he came up with his 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter. The rules are so popular among his Washington colleagues with daughters, Bernanke is considering developing them into a sitcom pilot for the Fox Business Channel.

When young Republican men enter the foyer of the Bernanke home, they come face-to-face with two stone tablets containing the following Bernanke rules:

1. If you pull in my driveway in anything but a limo, it better be a private jet.

2. You may not touch my daughter in front of me unless it’s to hand her a copy of your financial statement.

3. You must wear a dark suit at all times, even to the beach. You can only take it off to save a drowning banker.

4. When it comes to sex, think of my daughter as a Swiss bank and you as someone who shops at the grocery store with coupons.

5. If you think the late fees on your American Express Centurion Card are atrocious, wait until you see the fee for bringing my daughter home late.

6. If my daughter comes home crying, it better be because you took her to a sad movie about Democrats taking over Congress.

7. While waiting for my daughter to make her grand entrance, don’t fidget or bother me with questions. Nothing drops faster than my interest rate in you.

8. You may only take my daughter to noisy crowded public places where there are no places to have sex. One of my favorite spots to take her mother was the floor of the New York Stock Exchange.

Surprising Ways to Keep Yourself Super Smart

Only one thing is wanted during college—to learn. Unfortunately, the best books, latest gadgets, or the best professors will never help you learn better if your brain hasn’t reached its full or “super smart” potential.

Luckily, being super smart is learned, not in-born, through some ways. Just a word of caution: Some of these ways are pretty boring so you’ll have to bear with them if you want to be good enough for the highest paying jobs.

Lessen entertainment. You don’t have to totally get rid of TV, video games, and movies. Only have them in moderation. In excess, these activities will slow down brain waves resulting to inability to concentrate and development of impulsive behavior. So, no more WoW or Glee for now.

Don’t watch porn, even if you’re 18. More than 28,000 people are watching Internet porn every second. Watching porn excessively supplies the brain with neurochemicals that create that pleasurable, exciting, and focused feeling. Be warned: Obsessing over Maria Ozawa will soon be more pleasurable than interpreting Shakespeare sonnets.

No more drinking games. More than 70% of college students drink alcohol at least three times a week. Alcoholic beverages, especially beer, are already staples of college life. But excessive drinking destroys the brain leading to permanent damage. It will be like getting drunk or having a hang over forever.

Live like the pre-technology age. Excessive exposure to technology has dramatically changed the way we socialize and learn. Most college students spend beyond eight hours using the Internet, phone, and other gadgets. Among their negative effects are false intimacy and attention problems. You can’t get rid of technology but you can lessen exposure. Live like there is no technology at least when doing your research or spending time with friends and you’ll be saving your brain.

This list explains why only nerds can do the ways above. Well, if you’re targeting one of the highest paying jobs on the planet, then you have to be a nerd and live with that.