Sponsors Drop Michael Phelps For Tommy Chong

BALTIMORE, MD – Shortly after Michael Phelps (motto: “Quit calling me a fish out of water”) was suspended for three months by USA Swimming (motto: “Like the Olympic Committee only with more affordable bribes”), all of his major sponsors announced they are dropping him for Tommy Chong (motto: “Huh?”). “We decided that, if we’re going […]

New Punishments For Bailed Out CEOs

WASHINGTON, DC — After imposing a $500,000 pay cap on some senior executives whose firms receive government financial rescue money, President Barack Obama admitted that this punishment may not be strong enough to change their ways and hinted that more severe punishments may be considered. An unnamed source inside the White House whose name rhymes […]

We Must Stop The $20 Indian Laptop!

A group in India has announced plans to build and market a $20 laptop computer, making it cheaper than the $100 Children’s Machine designed by MIT, the $200-$400 EeePC made by Taiwan’s Asustek and the $300 “Don’t Ask Why It’s Dented, Do You Want It Or Not?” PC from my neighbor who sells steaks out […]