WASHINGTON, DC — With the news that President Obama’s devotion to his BlackBerry – which the Secret Service wants to remove from his hands before it harms him or compromises national security by threatening to reveal which sex lines he calls – is worth up to $50 millions in free publicity to Blackberry maker RIMM (motto: “Don’t be afraid … you can’t get addicted if you just use it once”), other companies are looking to cash in on the marketing power of presidents, both living and dead. Here’s a few ideas being kicked around:

George W. Bush: While the current president’s fitness routine could help the manufacturer of his mountain bike, the maker of his helmet is hoping George keeps the name to himself, since many people believe Bush’s economic policy was affected by falling off his bike too many times. Bush’s brush-clearing activities on his ranch are expected to help producers raise money for yet another “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” sequel.

Bill Clinton: Clinton’s escapades with Monica Lewinsky hurt the condom business and the pizza company whose goods were the other ones she was delivering, but his endorsement could be worth a lot to the doctor who injects his lips with a special collagen laced with penicillin. Clinton’s name would also mean big bucks to a certain chain of cheap motels.

Gerald Ford: His name matches a certain car company, but a photo of the bumbling president crashing a Taurus while trying to pull into the White House garage would do more for Chrysler or GM.

Richard Nixon: Famous for another fifteen minutes because of the “Frost/Nixon” film, Nixon’s name could help the makers of eavesdropping devices and other spy equipment, especially with Dick Cheney leaving office.

Herbert Hoover: The name has never helped the vacuum cleaner company or the dam, but old Herb-the Depression-starter’s face on a new 25 dollar bill could be just the thing to scare consumers into getting rid of them by spending them in stores and getting the economy moving again.

William Howard Taft: The corpulent commander-in-chief would be a great pitchman for suspenders, elastic pants and big-and-tall shops, but his real endorsement power would be for Jenny Craig, pairing his “before” photo with Wilford Brimley as the “after.”

Abraham Lincoln: Lincoln’s love of the theater might be just the thing to boost ticket sales on Broadway, but only if theaters promise to ban any ticket holders named Booth. And a small adjustment to his monument would do wonders for the sagging barcalounger market.

George Washington: Dollar menus, quarter gumball machines and Georgetown University could all make money off the first president, but the biggest winner might be the shoe company bringing back big-buckle shoes with the extra heft for long-distance tossing at dictators, tyrants and Iraqi news reporters.

LAS VEGAS—The 2009 Consumer Electronics Show, an extravaganza of the hottest new gadgets hitting the market, went largely unnoticed by attendee Lance Middleton, who used the event as a four-day, one-man tent revival about the virtues of his Google Android phone.

“The Android is the most revolutionary thing since DOS,” Middleton told anyone who would listen and a few guys he cornered in the men’s room. “Ten years from now, nobody’s going to remember the iPhone or that skinny dead guy.”

Middleton, 29, purchased the T-Mobile G1, the first phone to use Google’s new Android operating system, as a Christmas gift to himself. After memorizing the manual, sales brochure and list of possible side effects, he’s been going on and on about it ever since.

At CES, Middleton wandered past various displays of stereos, personal computers, and Blu-ray players. However, his activity inevitably devolved into an excuse to talk about his phone. “Like, he’d take a picture of a home theater system with his phone, then ask the person next to him, ‘You seen one of these yet?’” said Chet Forster, Middleton’s buddy and CES hotel roommate. “Next thing this poor guy knows, Lance is all ‘open source’ this and ‘democratic apps market’ that.” Forster added he planned to buy an iPhone as soon as he got his next paycheck, then registering Lance’s Gmail address as a “satisfied iPhone customer who wants every marketing email and new product update Apple sends out.”

During the convention, Middleton was variously spotted booing the new Palm Pre, and obsessively using his phone’s GPS/Google Maps feature for directions to destinations mere blocks away. “I mean, it’s Vegas,” said CES staffer Milton Borges. “If you’re looking for Circus Circus, it’s the place that looks like a giant goddamn circus tent.”

Middleton also live-blogged the event, a task which sometimes took more than an hour per post on his phone’s tiny keyboard. “In five years, the Android will replace the personal computer,” Middleton wrote in an entry to FreeLance. “Forget One Laptop per Child. We’re raising a generation of Androids.” Middleton’s posts suggested he did not find this thought frightening, nor a possible sign of the apocalypse.

As the convention drew to a close, Middleton was using his phone to find a tattoo parlor in order to get a tattoo of the Android’s green robot mascot taking a bite out of the Apple logo. However, for all the Android’s features, Middleton was unable to program the number of any single women into his phone.