Top Ten Business Movie Sequels Coming In 2009

It’s no secret that Hollywood loves sequels. Without them, Sylvester Stallone, Chevy Chase and Rob Schneider would have to get real jobs. Sequels are guaranteed to make at least half as much as the original with only one-tenth the effort in writing and shooting — a record Detroit would love to have. With the 2008 […]

Lesser-Known Obama Economic Team Appointees

President-Elect Barack Obama is filling the top positions of his economic team with financial industry heavyweights, such as former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker as head of the new President’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board, Timothy Geithner as Treasury Secretary and Lawrence Summers as director of the National Economic Council. The lesser known jobs, while not getting […]

Somali Pirate Attack Lacks Swashbuckling, Derring-Do, Sailors Report

MOGADISHU, Somalia—Survivors of a recent pirate attack near the horn of Africa reported the experience much more of a horrifying ordeal than a rollicking adventure. The Somali pirates seized an Ukrainian cargo ship by approaching on three small speed boats. Crew members were surprised to see the pirates armed with machine guns and rocket propelled […]

An Interview With Wall Street’s Santa

Thanksgiving Day marks the traditional first appearance of Santa Claus in malls and parades and on street corners ringing bells. However, the crisis on Wall Street in 2008 forced Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson to make a 3 AM call to St. Nick to ask the jolly old elf to show up a little early to […]

15 New Business Buzzwords For 2009

cramergency: stock panic caused by wild-eyed business pundit. bailouch: headache from watching federal aid go to bankers responsible for causing the mortgage crisis. bailouse: banker who received federal aid for causing the mortgage crisis. profitears: what’s running down the face of investors. chevrong: prediction that oil would now be $200 a barrel. drillapalooza: gathering of […]

Book Publishing Industry Attempts To Cash In On Circuit City Bankruptcy

In the wake of Circuit City’s bankruptcy, some book publishing industry leaders think consumers will instead flock to bookstores this holiday season. “Now that people won’t be buying Hi-Def TVs, DVDs and Video Games this Christmas, we’re confident they’ll naturally go back to reading books,” a spokesman for Random House said. “No laptops? No problem! […]

Suspension of Jokes About Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae

In honor of the announcement that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae will suspend housing foreclosures until January 9, 2009, the Money Curmudgeon is announcing that he will suspend jokes about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae until January 10, 2009. That’s right. No more “Fannie Mae is so fat, Hank Paulson calls her Fannie Mae Fall […]

700B Bailout to Purchase SimCity Game for Entire Government

WASHINGTON – In what appears to be yet another directional shift in the planned spending of the 700 billion dollar bailout, Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulson announced today that it is their intention to purchase the entire government and administration copies of the semi-popular PC game “SimCity”. “After playing the game for the past twelve […]

Suri Cruise Bails Out Toys “R” Us

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Suri Cruise, the 2-year-old daughter of Tom “Remember Me?” Cruise and Katie “Not The Australian Wife” Holmes, was named the World’s Most Powerful Tot Under Age Five by Forbes.com and immediately used her new-found influence to bail out economically-stricken toy retailer Toys “R” Us. “Suri like toys!” the beaming Miss Cruise told […]

Top Fashion Houses to Debut Designer Coupon Holders

NEW YORK, NY – In response to the continuing downturn in the economy Chanel, Hermes, and Gucci are all racing to market with upscale coupon holders for frugal fashionistas. Facing a steep decline in the sales of high-end handbags, the companies are struggling to offer a practical replacement. “We’re responding to a change in the […]